If you give Shannon a hammer...

Setting up your new home can be a fun, challenging, comical experience. I believe that I have discovered the one instance that will meet all of these criteria at once. "Where do you think this picture should go?", I ask sweetly with a slight hint of pleading. This is really just my way of saying, "I can't handle the bland walls anymore! I can't hang these pictures by myself and I need your help. Your opinion is relative and I simply need an extra set of hands. Please and thank you." If it was up to me, then we would have knocked out all the picture hanging in a day or so, but for the sake of my husband's sanity I have chosen the inchworm path and hang only one or two every few days. I will now detail the picture hanging experience...

Step 1: Ensure the situation is appropriate. If a game, ESPN, or video game is lighting up the television screen then you need to consider cost-benefit analysis before proceeding. If you have just finished a meal, got back from a few short errands, or you are asked, "Sweetie, is there anything I can help you with?" then leap at the opportunity! Do not stop and look, just go go go! You wouldn't want to lose a precious opportunity such as this.

Step 2: Choose one or two pieces to hang. You may wish to enlist the help of your spouse for this task. Choice is a powerful determinant in an individual's likelihood for cooperation and quite possibly enjoyment.

Step 3: Collect the necessary tools. I have found that the following tools are often required: hammer, nails, tape measure, level, pencil, scissors and 550 parachute cord. The last two items are optional and can be considered situationally dependent.

Step 4: Find the right spot. This shouldn't take long, but be prepared to compromise.

Step 5: Ensure the spot is centered. Using the tape measure, ensure that the spot you have chosen is centered and does not conflict with any other important items (outlets, phone hookups, ledges, etc).

Step 6: Measure the space again and secure nails to the proper location. This is the trickiest part of picture hanging because it involves multiple sets of hands and mutual cooperation. If hanging multiple pictures or one of those complicated numbers with the multiple hanging rings, then use the tape measure, level, and pencil you need to make sure that the pencil marks are level. Once you are certain that the pencil marks are adequately placed, use the hammer to place the nail. Watch your fingers.

Step 7: Hang the picture. Now all you have left is to place the picture, wire, rings, or 550 cord onto the nail. Once placed, use the level to ensure that the picture is hanging straight.

Step 8: High five. This step is probably the most important because it indicates completion of the task, mutual success, and demonstrates appreciation for a job well done.

So, friends, it is important to remember that if you give Shannon a hammer then expect at least 8 steps to follow.