Little Things

It is the little things, really.

I can't get over how cold it is here in the North Country. That being said, nothing warms my heart like a message from my husband down range. Moments like that may be the only time I allow myself to slow down because I truly treasure our love for one another. It may sound sappy to some, but those of you who know us understand. Little things, people, little things.

Not a moment goes by that I don't miss him, but I have found that if I fill my days with wonderful, happy moments sprinkled with upbeat and positive people and experiences then I don't have time to feel sorry for myself. It really is the little things - you can't deny it.

The day he deployed, I met two other Army wives who's husbands were also heading down range. We have since added another bouncy spouse to the mix, and our little group has blossomed as we continue to invite other military spouses to join in the fun. I still keep in touch with many of the Army wives I have met throughout my journey; the depth of our connection is astounding when one considers the distance and time that separates us. These "battle buddies" have become true friends of mine - I am grateful for having met them. It is wonderful to know that we can share our tears and our joys without concern of rejection or judgment or jealousy. That, friends, is why I will always call these girls my friends and why I will never forget them. Thanks, girls, you know who you are. Our lives are peppered with lovely little things.

Little things are why I am fulfilled and happy and blessed. For each day that passes, I remain thankful for all the little things in my life that make me laugh out loud and smile. Thanks to all the little things!

Tears

Tears.
Beautiful, therapeutic, salty, comforting tears.
Tears pour. They soak. They stream.
They accumulate and the dam breaks.
They leave you feeling hopeless and resilient, all at once.
They wait for that moment - you know the one.
They sting. They blur vision.
They invite dogs to lick your cheeks.
They are brushed away by loved ones.
They are shared, honored, and respected when heartfelt.
They don't care about your schedule or what they are interrupting.
They embarrass. They unite.
They are wonderful and terrible and - unavoidable.
They are necessary.
And, they are welcome when I least expect but need them most.
Tissues, anyone? I think I have something in my eye.

Watching Wheel

Sitting at home this evening, waiting for my sister to log into Skype, I catch myself watching Wheel of Fortune. Lame, I know. But even lamer still is that I can't stop wishing my husband were here to watch it with me. There is something about our equally competitive nature that makes that sort of thing so very fun. And, who doesn't love solving the puzzle?! So, next time you can't quite figure out what to do with your evening you should try channeling surfing for a game show. I promise, if you are anything like me, you won't be the least bit disappointed. Happy solving!

Late Night Calls

Last night I went to bed early, and do I mean early! I laid my head to the pillow at 8:33pm and sweetly dozed through the night. I am nearly positive that my husband called during my slumber and I hazily recall a whispered conversation of kind and loving words. I awoke this morning and was crushed that I had not shaken myself from my deep rest to talk with him. How disappointed he must have felt; to have called from across the world to hear only murmurs and yawns of his comfortably sleeping wife. It is my sincerest hope that he calls each and every night, and hopefully the next time he calls my body and mind will jump to the ready and engage him in conversation. For now, I can only wait for the phone to ring with an indistinguishable caller listed on the Caller ID... and maybe take a nap so I won't be so tired so early.

"Good night." he says as he eats his breakfast.

"Good Morning." I whisper and fall back to sleep.

Grace

Recently I have experienced frequent moments of overwhelming calm - it is a rare and welcome experience in my rather frenzied life. I can not quite pinpoint the source of this beautiful stillness but I consider it just another instance of grace. Sometimes it feels like I can't breathe, can't speak, can't fight anymore, and I am buried beneath a substantial and unavoidable world that neither understands nor cares for my personal journey. It is in these most damned of moments that I close my eyes and ask, humbly and simply, for intercession. During this period of separation and deployment I find I most often turn to the Holy Virgin Mary and St Michael the Archangel, patron saint of soldiers. Whatever my worries, their prayers calm me and I am able to regain my strength and forge on through this frantic and crazed world with just a touch of grace. 

Hail Mary, full of grace.
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our safeguard against the wiles and wickedness of the devil. Restrain him, O God, we humbly pray, and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly Host, by the power of God, cast into Hell Satan and all the evil spirits, who prowl about the world seeking the ruin and destruction of souls. Amen.

Friday Night Fun

Imaginary Friend: "So, what did you do on Friday night?"

Military Spouse (me): "I completed the packet required for my background check. Riveting 5 hours!"

You can be jealous - I know my Friday night rocked the socks off your night. This is just the tip of the iceberg of exciting events that happen in my household. Last night I vacuumed AND did the dishes. I almost broke a sweat. I'm just sayin'. Life is busy around here. You don't even know (unless, of course, your spouse is also currently deployed... then you know exactly what I'm sarcastically yet genuinely referring to).

Truth be told, I am so bored most nights that I watch really bad movies on Netflix; you know the kind that only have two stars. Desperation, friends, has a new face... deployment is the worst of antecedents. It leads military spouses to eat, work out, clean, sleep, read, watch really bad movies, call friends for hours, Google endlessly, talk to strangers, and worst of all... blog! It is a vile beast, but we serve our time and then poof we disappear when our soldier returns. Only to resurface for air and the occasional blog update.

Until then, please accept my sincerest apologies and deepest sympathies. I can only pray that this is remotely interesting and remarkably comical. I hope you laugh while reading this, because I do!

Enjoy your Friday night - even though we both know mine was way cooler.

0200

In the middle of the night, out of a deep sleep, I roll over, open my eyes and see the little green light blinking on my phone. Without hesitation or a doubt in my mind I somehow just know that it is my husband on Google Talk. I never remember hearing the notification; I always remember the conversation when I wake up the following morning. It is a wonderful feeling. I can only equate it to a dream and he words feel close, real. I often fall back asleep and dream with him. I write "with him" rather than "of him" because he is with me; it's ok if you don't understand. Sometimes I don't either, but that is the beauty of it. And the most beautiful moments are sometimes at 0200.

Waiting for 2012

After all the excitement and tears and chest pains and bridal magazines my husband has stepped in and declared martial law: the wedding will take place in 2012. He called yesterday from down range and it became clear within just a few short minutes that planning this formal wedding without his input would be neither fun nor wonderful, so we decided to wait until he is home and we can both take active roles. At first, I cried and whimpered, unwilling to accept defeat. But then I was flooded with overwhelming calm and took a deep breath of relief. After all, we are already married and nothing can take that magic away. It is just a ceremony and a party; it can wait.

Ladies and gentlemen, my husband wants to be part of the wedding planning. He wants me to have all my dreams and hopes realized. He wants it to be perfect.

I am one lucky lady. And I can definitely wait for 2012.

Our Wedding Day

September 10, 2010

Tucson, AZ

Dresses, and Flowers, and Shoes... Oh My!

I am finally hunkering down to plan our wedding. We are eight months out from our ideal date and now is the time to really get elbow deep and make a plan. In a word, I am terrified. Without my husband's input I don't want to venture too close to venue commitments and catering contracts. The mere mention of creating a budget or contacting potential vendors is more than I can bare at this exact moment in time. 

So, instead I am focusing on the details, more specifically the details of my wedding party. It can be said that my bridesmaids were all chosen by the time I left elementary school. Erin was nominated as Maid of Honor in the womb; Anna was decided to be a bridesmaid at the bus stop sometime back in the day; Maggie was elected one day on the playground. We fight, laugh, and play like sisters. These three lovely ladies will be at my side; I will need them. The girls I have met throughout life all know that I love them, but these three are, and always have been, family and that is why they are my choices. Now, what to do with the details of dresses and shoes and flowers... don't even bother asking because my head might simply explode. But, I am confident in this decision and that helps me to breathe a little easier. 

So, join me as I flip through bridal magazines with my inhaler at my side. Ideas are out there ready to be discovered and unveiled. It is wonderful to know that now is the time to start looking and now is the time to start dreaming. 

Staying Busy

I can't decide if being busy is a good or bad thing. On the one hand, it is great because it keeps my mind off my current status as a geographic bachelorette, but on the other it makes my head spin. And what to make of full days when they aren't worth writing about. A day of cleaning or errands or subbing or snow just doesn't seem blog worthy. I guess I'm just in a rut. The best thing for a rut is to just keep plugging away and make something about each day special enough to share. I have been so focused on reading before bed that I haven't been tending to my digital journal... shame on me. Alright folks, I am going to do my best to get back into the swing of things and resume the regular posts and insights. Enjoy :)

Panera, Pals, and Puppies

Today was a great day. It started with a few appointments and then lunch at Panera with a good friend and continued with an afternoon full of puppy play time. A word to the wise: if you have yet to enjoy the New England Clam Chowder in a bread bowl, I highly suggest it. I was more than satisfied with the meal and the company was phenomenal! It is always good to get together with a friend and just eat, sit, and talk. The conversation is light and upbeat, the food is delicious, and the feeling of fulfillment is always a keeper. There is just something great about getting out of the house and seeing friends.

And, of course, what better reason to get out of the house than to walk the pup? There aren't many people out and about to make friends with during this cold winter, but every now and then we run into someone or something. The pup never really seems to know what to do with himself. As if his thoughts are," Oh boy! Mom, a person! A bunny! Another dog! Can I please, oh please, go play?! Please!" I swear, I must walk him for a total of two hours dispersed over four walks each day and he doesn't ever seem to tucker out. So, today I devised a fantastic plan... I leashed him with the 20 ft recall training leash and tethered him to my midsection and just let him run all around the back of the townhouse. Needless to say, my pup was so excited to be more than 5 ft away from me and have the freedom to gallop and jump and dig and do what puppies do. And, I was glad for the break as well. I was able to watch and laugh from a reasonable distance and just enjoy my puppy being a puppy. It was wonderful and I am already looking forward to Spring and the dog park.

Today was definitely a great day.

Boredom is Not an Option

I started a list of things to do to avoid boredom. It started out with errands and other household items and then expanded into something much more meaningful...

Bored is not an option: 2011
vacuum
swiffer
dust
TA50
garage
closet
clean
laundry
read a book
write a letter
play with Ty
walk the dog
blog
sort/file paperwork
volunteer
photograph
create
build
explore
try something new
swim
yoga
stretch
call someone
plan something
take a class
find yourself lost
sing
dance
smile
laugh

This list is posted prominently on my refrigerator as a constant and pleasant reminder.
What do you do to avoid boredom?

A Good Laugh

Some days have harder moments than others, and on those days I need to laugh. No, rather, I require laughter.

Whether I watch America's Funniest Videos or play with Ty or Youtube funny videos or watch a Disney movie... I always get a good laugh. Something about laughter heals all my aches and pains; makes everything seem simple and easy again. It is good to laugh. And on the few especially hard days when a chuckle or a snort simply won't do I require something grander. I need a large, long, and nearly inappropriately loud laugh that brings me to tears. Because if I am going to cry, I better be laughing, too. And, if I am blessed to be in the company of others then I hope to share that joy, that laughter, with them. Because around here everyone could use a good laugh.

Bucket List

A friend posted this elsewhere and I thought it might be fun to repost with my own responses. Enjoy :)

Things I have done during my lifetime:

(  ) Gone on a blind date

(X) Donated Blood - gotta keep my iron up so I can do it again!

(X) Skipped school - Gotta love "Senior Skip Day"

(  ) Watched someone die

(X) Been to Canada - I live 35 miles South of Canada now!

(  ) Been to Mexico 

(X) Been to Florida

(  ) Been to Hawaii

(X) Been on a plane - I do better on planes if there is Ginger Ale.

(  ) Been on a helicopter

(X) Been lost - All too often... Sometimes I find myself lost and simply enjoy the freedom.

(X) Gone to Washington, DC - If you have the opportunity to attend a Capital Dome Tour - DO IT! 

(  ) Ridden in a Police Car

(X) Hugged a homeless person

(X) Swam in the ocean - Oh, how I miss the beach!

(  ) Swam with Stingrays

(  ) Been sailing in the ocean

(X) Cried yourself to sleep - Sad, but true. It only happens once, though.

(X) Played cops and robbers - The good old days :)

(X) Recently colored with crayons - How did you know that I used crayons to color my new 2011 calendar?

(  ) Ran a marathon - Not yet... but I am starting to train again :)

(X) Sang Karaoke - Yes! Fun times.

(  ) Volunteered at a soup kitchen

(X) Paid for a meal with coins only - School lunches on Pizza Hut day... yum.

(  ) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch

(  ) Seen the Northern Lights 

(  ) Been Para-sailing

(X) Been on TV - With the Marching Falcons in high school.

(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't - Of course.

(X) Made prank phone calls - Only to people I love and care about ;)

(  ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans

(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose - That jam hurts!

(  ) Fed an elephant 

(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue - Every time it snows :)

(  ) Fired a gun

(X) Danced in the rain - Most definitely. 

(  ) Been to the Opera

(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus - As a kid, but that wouldn't be a bad tradition to start with my husband.

(X) Serenaded someone - All the time.

(  ) Seen a U.S. President in person 

(  ) Been kissed under the mistletoe

(X) Watched the sunrise with someone - Merry Christmas, Mom and Erin!

(  ) Driven a race car 

(X) Been to a National Museum - I <3 museums!

(  ) Been to a Wax Museum

(X) Eaten caviar - One of my many life experiences at the Cavalier.

(X) Blown bubbles 

(X) Gone ice-skating - It was a long time ago, and yes I fell on my doopa.

(X) Gone to the movies - Certainly.

(  ) Been deep sea fishing 

(X) Driven across the United States - VA to AZ to VA to NY... 2010 was definitely a year on the road!

(  ) Been in a hot air balloon

(  ) Been sky diving

(  ) Gone snowmobiling 

(  ) Lived in more than one country

(X) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars - Not for quite some time, but it sure was wonderful.

(  ) Seen a falling star and made a wish

(  ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser 

(  ) Seen the Grand Canyon

(X) Seen the Statue of Liberty

(  ) Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle 

(  ) Been on a cruise

(  ) Traveled by train 

(  ) Traveled by motorcycle

(X) Been horse back riding - Gosh, I miss that.

(  ) Ridden on a San Francisco cable car

(X) Been to Disneyland OR Disney World - Fun times :)

(X) Truly believe in the power of prayer - Is there any other kind?

(  ) Been in a rain forest

(  ) Seen whales in the ocean

(X) Been to Niagara Falls

(  ) Ridden on an elephant

(  ) Swam with dolphins

(  ) Been to the Olympics 

(  ) Walked on the Great Wall of China

(  ) Saw and heard a glacier calf

(  ) Been spinnaker flying

(  ) Been water-skiing 

(  ) Been snow-skiing 

(  ) Been to Westminster Abbey 

(  ) Been to the Louvre

(  ) Swam in the Mediterranean

(X) Been to a Major League Baseball game- My first one this past summer :)

(  ) Been to a National Football League game 

(  ) Swam with sharks

(  ) Been White Water Rafting

(  ) Written a book or screen play

(  ) Been to a Tournament of Roses Parade 

(X) Lived in more than one state - VA, AZ, NY

(  ) Become a parent - Does puppy parent count?

(  ) Been Bungee Jumping

(  ) Been to Vegas 

(X) Been to a minor league baseball game - Go Tides!

(  ) Worked on a political campaign 

(  ) Been to the top of the World Trade Center or Empire State Building - Been to the Top of the Rock.

(X) Ridden a Subway - NYC

(  ) Been to your High School Reunion - It hasn't happened yet...

Oh wow, so much left to do. Anyone want to join me? Could be fun :)

Goodnight, old friend, 2010

Goodnight, 2010. It was a pleasure - we had blast.

We started together and ended apart. Finished graduate school and OCS. Spent Easter in Atlanta. We moved across the country - twice! Spent the summer in Arizona. Enjoyed my first MLB game. Adopted a puppy. Engaged and married. Made our first home in New York. Successfully tackled Thanksgiving with the family. Survived our first round of puppy pukes and poops. Said goodbye in the snow. Sent packages and letters. Made new friends all along the way. And wait with baited breath for 2011 and our reunion.

It would be unfair if I didn't share with you exactly how the last few days of 2010 unraveled. Unraveled is the most fitting word because they, quite genuinely, fell apart as the first decade of the new millennium came to a close.

I arrived home after a wonderful Christmas with family and set off to the kennel to retrieve my puppy, who greeted me with such excitement that I was instantly warm and fuzzy. We returned home to find that the Garage Cat was back. (For those who don't know, this little cat has been living in my garage off and on for a number of weeks and I was told that I must capture it in order to surrender it to SPCA.) I suited up in what protective gear I had on hand and set forth to capture the Garage Cat. During our struggle the feline bit my hand through my glove, so I did what any reasonable person would do... I shoved him into one of my husband's Army duffel bags and locked it in the bathroom. I thought the hard part was over. I was mistaken.

I called a dear friend with loads of animal experience; she scared the hell out of me and I rushed to the Emergency Room. Being new to town, I had no idea where I was going but I found my way to the ER and received treatment. I don't mind needles or pills or X-Rays or anything of that sort, but I really don't care for hospitals. After three hours of sitting around and listening to the staff discuss my feline predicament I requested to be discharged because I was starting to feel rather anxious. I then vomited on the floor. Immediate talk of quarantine and admittance and contacting the Red Cross to inform my husband down range. I put my foot down. No one would alarm my husband, cause him panic or distress over a cat bite and an anxiety attack. As I walked out of the ER, I felt a weight lifted and I was calm. Like I told you, I don't do well in hospitals. After a shower and some deep breathing I was off to bed, my pup at my side, The time was 0130. The Garage Cat remained in the duffel bag in the bathroom downstairs. The next morning I called Public Health and Dog Control; they handled the situation and the Garage Cat was surrendered. The stress of my first night home was over and the puppy and I enjoyed a well deserved nap.

Then I set about tying loss ends before the end of the year.

On the final day of the decade, Ty and I ventured to Petco (his first time, ya know). He has outgrown his kennel and he tore apart his bed and chew toy while kenneled over the holiday, not to mention he was almost out of food. He was apprehensive at first, but with some encouragement and the cunning use of positive reinforcement he started to enjoy his first adventure in commercialism. He picked out a new toy, sized up a new kennel, and selected his new dog bed. Keeping in mind that the vet guessed his final weight to be approximately 65 lbs, we made sure there was room to grow. It was an expensive trip to Petco, but it was wonderful to bond with my little man. He even got to ride in the front seat on the way home!

Our evening was quiet and calm. We snuggled on the couch and watched a movie, then realizing that neither of us would last until midnight we called it a night. Goodnight, old friend, 2010.

2011, I look forward to making your acquaintance.